Sunday, 16 March 2014

Vancouver Women: Queen Bitch Syndrome Theory

The problem with Vancouver women: Queen bitch syndrome.

I'd like to throw a chip into the ring as to the theory of why Vancouver women suck.

Bitches be crazy, am I right? I mean, I'm willing to admit that even I get crazy sometimes. But there's something about the breed of Vancouver women that is so much worse... 

My boyfriend has a theory. His theory is about why women in Vancouver are known for being so snotty, unapproachable, and rude. And I happen to think his theory is dead-on. You know what I'm talking about, right? I mean, Vancouver is known for being filled with these kind of women. They downright give this town a bad name. 

The thing we've noticed too, is that this is not a problem that stems from a certain scene or niche, it's a pretty widespread epidemic. It doesn't matter if you're hanging out in Yaletown, Main Street, Kits, Gastown or the West End,  these women will be there, making you feel like you don't exist, and/or that they are better than you. 

I mean, Vancouver is a BRUTAL place to be single. I know, I've done it. It's incredibly depressing. It seems that couples here get matched up by their outward appearance. I joke to my boyfriend that he doesn't have to worry about me going out and meeting another guy that I like here, as inevitably every time I meet a random dude out, it just makes me love and appreciate my boyfriend so much more! 

I have a girlfriend who hangs out with some girls in Vancouver who she calls "the toxic 6". Sounds delightful, doesn't it? Yes, these are the women who have double standards, date guys because of how tall they are, how much money they make, the car they drive, and lord, that engagement ring better have a diamond that's such and such size, otherwise you are not getting a yes! (a true Yaletown Vancouver story that I've heard).

I mean hell, how are you supposed to find a life partner in a town where people avoid eye contact when you pass them on the street? They will literally be looking straight ahead until you get closer and then suddenly look to the side, or the ground. What is that about anyways, and where does it come from? But I digress.

Back to the issue at hand: the predominance of unfriendly, superficial, mean women in Vancouver. Here's the theory: Queen Bitch Syndrome. 

It basically goes like this: Vancouver gets fed into by a lot of places across Canada, and especially B.C. The theory is that the Queen Bitch from every small town all over this province, move to Vancouver to be *THE* Queen Bitch. The coolest, prettiest, hottest, smartest gal in town. I mean, she was in her small town, so why can't she be in Vancouver?

The problem of course escalates when they arrive on the scene here and realize that there is some fierce competition: all the other wanna-make-it-in-the-big-city girls that are here too, vying for that same title. And so creates a snake-pit of superficial, unfriendly, caustic females. It's terrifying to say the least, even as a somewhat innocent bystander. 

Well, there you have it: the Queen Bitch Theory.

Monday, 10 February 2014

It's not the 90s anymore

It's not the 90s anymore. This should be a fairly obvious fact, yet sometimes it seems like people are still living their lives like it is. To get a better idea of what I'm talking about, have a look at old economy Steve:

The truth is, things aren't what they used to be, Grandma. 

Recently, my boyfriend and I have taken to revisiting old sitcoms from the 90s. We've found that some of them really stand the test of time, while others.... don't. Cheers was unwatchable, as was Perfect Strangers (not overly surprising though is it?). 

It's funny though, how much less relatable these characters are compared to new shows that are out now. I mean, I am much more like a late 20 something on New Girl, than on Friends or Will and Grace. By the time the "Friends" turned 30, they were pretty much all set. They all had successful jobs that paid the bills, that were pretty much their dream jobs. Sure they had some trials and tribulations along the way (Monica working at the diner, Rachel serving coffee at the coffee shop, Joey an out of work actor), but they all seemed to really pull through in the end (Joey on Days of Our Lives, Rachel working at Ralph Lauren, and Monica head chef at a high end restaurant). Once they decided to get out there and follow their dreams, they were handsomely rewarded for their endeavours. When we watched the episode where Rachel turns 30 and has a meltdown, I just couldn't put myself in her shoes. Rachel, and all the Friends, seemed to have their lives much more together than myself, and a lot of other people my age that I know.

New Girl, on the other hand, now that's a different story. New Girl really portrays what it's like to be a generation Y-er in 2014. Jess lands her dream job as a teacher, gets laid off- has to work at some gross fast food place. Winston plays pro basketball, gets cut from the team. Has no real life or job experience, and has to be a nanny. Nick drops out of law-school, becomes a bartender. I mean, I think I know people, or I myself, have lived pretty much these exact scenarios.

Anyways, my point in all this is just that, it's not the 90s anymore. Clearly.

Saturday, 11 January 2014

3 dressed up as a 9

If I may, I’m going to have to broach an age old subject. Yes, the longstanding tradition of men rating womens’ hotness in terms of a number ranging from 1 to 10. God, it really chaps my ass. And I know it’s a futile thing to get upset about, but it just seems that this number system has no room for the personality factor.

A couple of months ago, I went to visit a good girlfriend out of town. She was telling me about how her roommate, let’s call him Adam, was lonely and how she was planning to set him up with this awesome girl that she worked with. She said that she was talking to Adam’s cousin and his cousin, who knew this girl, said, “Yeah, but she’s not a 10, and Adam wants a 10”. Cue my eyes rolling.

It's just annoying is all. I feel like some men just need to have a “10” on their arm so that other guys are like, oh he’s got a 10! I know I have a male friend who needs to be with a woman that all his friends think is hot.Shouldn't all that matter is that he finds her attractive? My boyfriend reassures me though, that this is very common and normal. But it doesn't mean that I have to be any less annoyed by it.

One night one of my guy friends exclaimed to me "You look like a 9 tonight!" It was one of those compliments masquerading as an insult. Or is it an insult masquerading as compliment? Either way, it was something. Maybe I was just a 3 dressed up as a 9 that night:

Thursday, 26 December 2013

What if Christmas newsletters kept it real?

I’m sure we’re all familiar with them: those Christmas newsletters that people send out to update you on what their family has been up to over the past year. They usually arrive in the Christmas card, or nowadays, are the card themselves. I understand the premise behind these, and get that, especially for people with small children, their families and friends want to see an up-to-date picture of their kids, and hear all about how the kids have changed over the past year.

I don’t know about you, but some of my cousins and aunts have taken to writing these in a rhyming, poem form. This is where things start to unravel.  Things also start to get a bit obnoxious if, say, you have a really rich cousin and her “yearly update” reads more like a brag fest than an update. In fairness, if your life does consist of private schools, several beach vacations, and trips on your private jet, it’s probably hard not to invoke envy in your family and friends. This is the case with my cousin, whose yearly Christmas card/newsletter, is always one for the books. Take this one from a few years ago for example: 

Their only regret is not buying gold? (Remember, gold was doing very well that year!) I think everyone could agree that this is not too bad of a problem to have.

However, I wonder how things would look from the other perspective. You know, if these Christmas cards kept it real, to the point of keeping it real going wrong. 

For example, I have another cousin who is on the other end of the spectrum. Instead of going on beach vacations, using a private jet, and lamenting not purchasing precious metals, her year ranges from a messy divorce, losing a house, kids getting kicked out of school, and threats of getting arrested because of her jerky ex-husband. Sometimes I like to imagine how a rhyming Christmas letter might sound coming from her…
                What a year, where to begin, what can I say

                The first thing I guess, was the bank took my house away

                After letters, and phone calls I tried to ignore

                The came and they knocked on my very own front door.

                Dave and I are separated and will soon be divorced

                He’s got a new girlfriend, who is rich of course

                He refuses to pay for stuff for his children

                And calls me rude names, I wonder how I ever picked him!

                The kids are okay, we struggle along

                Took Jean to Children’s Hospital, something was wrong

                Tom is growing up, getting kicked out of school,

                Beth has some attitude, thinks she’s so very cool.

                Well wishes to everyone, we hope you are well,

                Just off to the food bank, it sure will be swell!

Thursday, 10 October 2013

Electro Dash: Inappropriate Raving

When I first starting hearing about the Electro Dash, I tried to ignore it. It surreptitiously appeared in my facebook newsfeed, some of my friends “liked it”, and without even knowing much about it, besides seeing the words “Electro Dash” and “5K”, with a picture of some girls suited out in L-wire and glowsticks, I didn’t stop to investigate any further. I knew this wasn’t something for me, and something about it rubbed me the wrong way from the get go.

As it turns out, it wasn’t in the cards for me to simply ignore this Electro Dash event, as eventually one of my friends sent me a facebook message inviting me out to it. Wincing, I clicked on the link that she had sent to the Groupon to purchase tickets for the run. I had no desire inside of me whatsoever to go to this event, and I was having a very strong aversion to it. 

Having been a bit of a raver back in the early 2000s when the scene was quite “alternative”, and as someone who still loves and frequents a good techno dance party, I can understand why my friend would have seen this and thought that I would be interested, nay, even excited to partake. And at first, even I couldn’t really understand why it wasn’t something that intrigued me in the slightest. 

“Why does this seem like the lamest thing ever?” I asked my boyfriend. “What is it that makes it so lame?” He responded with “What about it isn't lame”? Yes, it seems that the better question was to ask: what about this seems fun or good?

I had to break it down.  Let’s start with the description on the Groupon shall we. Let’s see: 

“Glow-in-the-dark 5k infuses electro music with a series of lasers and fog tunnels in a non-competitive race ending in a dance party.”

Glow in the dark stuff- love it.

Electro music- love it.

Lasers- love em.

Fog tunnels- love em.

Dancy party- LOVE THEM!

A non-competitive race?  Uh, I think we’ve found the problem.

The thing is, is this: The Electro Dash is inappropriate raving at its finest. With the EDM phenomenon sweeping through North America, my boyfriend and I have been stunned by the amount of "inappropriate raving" that we see taking place. It seems the kids today just don't know when they're supposed to be raving and when they're not. They've gotten so swept up in this new fad that their "rave" switch appears to be constantly "on".

Allow me to explain. The line didn't used to be so blurry. And truthfully, while old school raving definitely connoted its own specific fashion style (think  vizors, phat pants, and wife beaters), its nothing like the costume fad that has swept the current EDM craze. Now it seems that crazy costumes and outfits are as much a part of the party as the music itself. A visit to Shambhala Music Festival will confirm this, where you will see every costume under the sun being rocked. Add to this the furry fuzzy, leg things and furry hoods (ElectroFur anyone? or as my friend Tom calls it "caveman outfits") that everyone's been sporting, and it's a real jumanji out there. 

Don't get my wrong, I LOVE the costumes, and the freedom and desire to wear whatever the hell you want. I mean, isn't that part of the whole groovy, PLUR'ed out vibe that the rave scene is known for? Be and do and feel and express yourself in whatever way you want. Acceptance has always been key. The problem is when kids don't realize that they aren't actually raving at that particular moment, and as such shouldn't be dressed like they are. 

Consider if you will: 

If you're at a 4 day music festival with music constantly going: you're raving!

If you're out at a bar in the city seeing a DJ one night: you're not raving. 

If you're at an all night warehouse party in the city, that ends at 8am: you're raving!

If you're at EDC: you're raving!

If you're at Burning Man: you're raving!

If you're at a friend's house party: you're not raving.

If you're running a 5km non-competitive race: you're not raving.

You get the idea.
Give me a dance party with lazers, smoke tunnels and techno, but hold the non-competitive 5k run please. If it's a rave you're after, then let's just have a rave. If you want to run, sign up for a run. I feel like this combination is just a classic trying-to-cash-in-on-what's-trendy situation. And apparently, it's working out very well, because I just checked the Groupon for the Electo Dash in Vancouver, and it's sold out. 

Even the Electro Dash organizers admit in the FAQ section of their website that "Everyone knows the best part of running is when it stops... We pump up the Electronic Dance Music and fill the air with neon lights, lasers, and free SWAG for the catching. So get ready to dance, because the finish line is the moment your running shoes become your party shoes."

I won't be attending the Electro Dash, but I might go to a dance party that night. I like to take my raving the straight up, unadulterated, old-fashioned way.

To quote Tiga "Let's go dancing. I want to go dancing with you, all night dancing."